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| The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
It's happening again. I can feel it coming on. The restlessness begins. I can't focus on a single fucking thing. The anger inside me surfaces and it just wants to come out and destroy everything it can. I'm trying my hardest to hold it at bay.
Nothing has changed to make me upset but I am. I need to constantly reassure myself, motivate myself and push myself to do things that most humans find typical of a normal day. To finish things I start, to clean up after my own mess. Cleaning up a mess someone I love makes is easier for me to do than cleaning up a mess of my own.
I can't understand the constantly changing whirlwind of human emotion inside of me that comes and goes as it pleases. I want to rip my hair out. I want to hurl myself through a glass window and fall 16 stories to my death when I feel like this. I've even contemplated driving off one of the bridges just to make it stop. I can't make it fucking stop.
I am happy when my demon doesn't seem near. I am nice, sweet, pleasant and courteous. Ms. Hyde. But when I feel it coming I turn into someone ugly. Someone I do not recognize, my Dr. Jekyll. I have gone down that path where I have hurt others and learned that it may hold a temporary relief from these feelings but cause long term issues that my Hyde doesn't like to deal with later and cannot really understand how to deal with later.
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| The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde poster. Converted losslessly from .tif to .png by uploader. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
So how do I kill my Jekyll with out damaging my Hyde? How do I stop her from reoccurring? Because I don't think I can live with these thoughts for much longer. I might have to commit or be committed.
